Karl's G_p Year: 1 Year Today

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of me leaving for London. Truth be told I actually thought it was tomorrow therefore giving me an extra night to write this all down and proofread etc (early onset Prep teacher brain). Even if nobody read this, it’s use as a cathartic writing exercise will be of much value.

Disclaimer: this is the first and last time you will see the word journey. Now you wont see it again.

If you ask me how I feel about it all I probably couldn’t tell you. It’s best to imagine a giant Wheel of Fortune (minus Adriana Xenedis). The colours represent different emotions and the money amount their intensity. On any given turn you spin and ask me, the colours or emotions or feelings range from bliss, romance, daydreaming, depression, adventurousness, nostalgia, sadness, relief, excitement … you get the drift.

On this day last year, I walked through the doors with a very uneasy calm (#oxymoron). I’d left behind friends and family but I knew their lives would go on without me. Obviously. I remember stuffing up the leaving card, but then making it through anyway. The detail to which I remember everything after that is actually so good I’ll just wr ….. spare you all by not writing it all down. What I will say is my memories of getting off that plane at Heathrow are so vivid - the sights, sounds, smells … It was the gateway to a rollercoaster of ups and downs over the next 8 months.

This is me with 15kgs of extra luggage

I really can’t explain it. The intensity of the memories I created take me back to any destination or situation I choose on a whim. Standing at the Tour Montparnasse in Paris, overlooking the Eiffel tower just like in all those candid pictures I’d always seen, walking the streets of Barcelona being immersed in the Spanish language, walking in pelting rain across the Duoro Bridge in Porto…you get the picture. I attribute it to my then established practise of mindfulness which really used all of the senses to capture each moment- especially the sense of taste which you will find elsewhere on this blog.

I can’t forget the people. I’ve made a collage of all the people I’ve met over the past year (and left out a whole heap too) and what can I say. Despite moments with these people lasting hours, days or weeks how can I put into words or put a price on the value and love I have for the time we had together? It’s not always possible to stay in contact, or as frequently as you’d like, and there is a natural attrition rate amongst traveller friends but for that time together, the memories created and shared have lived on (mostly at the most random of times). These people often opened me up to new and exciting experiences (mostly food related I must admit).

“OMG did you LOVE LONDON?”

Well love is such a strong word. I’m not a commitment-phobe but love grows. I didn’t dislike it. I didn’t always like it. I didn’t love it. Keeping the relationship analogy going it got to the point where I hated the thought of being single but I hated the thought of being in a relationship just a fraction more, hence I returned back (and being single). There were things I liked about London such as my friends, trendy Soho, the proximity to Europe, shopping, and the familiarity of the work there. But then there were also other things like the cold dark winter, expensive costs, pollution, lack of natural environment, crowdedness and lack of connectedness amongst other things. That’s also not to be confused with homesickness. I think there's a distinction. There were times of homesickness but they were short lived and I moved on. I can say without a doubt, I had the most solid group of friends and meeting family in France helped me to be even more pieced together as a global citizen. I thought about friends and family back home often, but then called them, which suited me fine.

I fight with myself constantly as to whether it was the correct decision to come back when I did. 8 months is such a feeble number and I still have friends there who outlasted me. While I was sitting at the table in my kitchen in London sometime in July, I made a PMI chart (pluses, minuses and ideas) to order my thoughts on my situation. The decision to come home was considered and reasoned and was removed from any emotion or clouded judgement. The promise therefore was that I made the best decisions I could, with all the information I had and that I am not allowed to self hate for not staying longer or have regrets. To say I miss the overseas travelling is an understatement. To say that I want to visit a few more places in Europe is also an understatement. I believe it will happen again and in the meantime I have the opportunity to discover new worlds on this side of the globe. I intend not to break this promise.